you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
