there's paper in my vomit.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
