Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize