in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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