is your mom at the bar?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize