i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
