You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
