whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
