So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
