i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
