Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
