The maid of honor just puked.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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