is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
