Where did you get a picture of my penis
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
