im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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