There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
