She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
