At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize