p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
