These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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