i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
