I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
