Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
