I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
