You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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