Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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