from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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