Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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