i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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