If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We got so high we made milksteak
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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