instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What a dumb baby whore.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
