Your mouth is God's brothel.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
