guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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