shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize