On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
