did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
