lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she looked like the before picture.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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