I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
