you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
