there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up under a house in Key West
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
