I could make wine with my vomit
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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