I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
