Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
now i know why i became what i already was.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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