Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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