I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The air was thick with penises
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
