Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
