I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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