Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
