Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
