oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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