Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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