How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize