We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
