I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
