Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
