but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
