Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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