everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize