The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
