I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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