i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
