see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's blow job season.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
