Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize