Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
