I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
