please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she told me i tasted like america
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
