hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
