Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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