Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize