Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
