Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
