duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
