The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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