just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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