I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
