im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
