i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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