do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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