We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
