I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
