i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
