I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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