I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she woke up with a sticky ear
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
