Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
