But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
