god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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