bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
