At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
